Transcript:LAUGHING TILL DEATH
:Bob: We’re gonna go away, Jack. Just you watch. :Jack: Yayyy! Do not- wait- are you- what are you gonna crash us into? :Bob: Nothing... :Jack: “Going Cheep?” Ha-ha... :Bob: Definitely not accidentally that sign, duh, Jesus! :Jack: You can’t even fly it accidentally! :Bob: Why did I just get the award "Mile High Club?" Jack, what did you do to me while I was flying the helicopter? :and Mark laugh :Bob: What the f***?! :Bob: Alright, get to da choppah! :Mark: ACK! :Wade: ARRRGH :Bob: Wade- Wade's a dick! Wade's a dick! :Jack: Wade- Wade is a suck! :Wade: Wade, what did we do to you? :lets out a battle cry :Wade: OW! OW! WHY?! :laughs :Wade: No! :Jack: I ran out of bullets! :Bob: Alright, see you guys- :Wade: Yeah, I'm in! :Bob: Aww, everyone made it in. :Mark: We're in, yeah. :Jack: F***! :laughs :Jack: Wait, can I kill him while he's in the chopper? :Mark: Can we leave Wade in the helicopter by himself because he kinda smells bad? :and Jack laugh :Wade: Excuse me! That's Jack's fault for sweating on my seat! :Jack: I'm not wearing a shirt! :Wade: I know! :Jack: Okay, down. Down, boy. :Bob: Have we died yet? :"down"s from Mark, Wade and Jack :Bob: I'm working on it, I'm working on it. Hang on, hang on. How do I go down? :laughs :Bob: How do I go? What do I do? :Jack: The opposite of the up one! :Bob: Also, that's my car, so- :Jack: Peace out y'all! :laughs :Jack: I call far one! :Bob: Alright, I got my cargobob, I got my car- :Mark: AH AH AH AH AH AH AH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH :laughs at Mark :Mark: Okay, I'm fine, okay. :Bob: Holy s***! :Jack: You doing good, buddy? snickers :Mark: Oh God! :Wade: Whooooa! :Bob: We're coming! :Mark: Okay, I'm kind of in the middle-ish. :Jack: Just where you like it, b****. :Mark: Awww... :Wade: What??? laughs :laughs :Mark: Geez! I don't know what that means, but I'm insulted! :Wade: (through laughter) "IN THE MIDDLE???" :Jack: laughs He likes a sandwich pile! :Mark: OHHHH, okay. :Wade: Oh, okay, I was thinking like in the belly button or something! :Jack: Noooo! :Jack: This is the military base, but what are we doing when we're here? :Mark: We're getting a- (drowned out by Wade) :Wade: OH GOD, we're gonna spend a whole another episode trying to steal jets?! :Jack: That's all that- that's all that happens whenever we play this. :Mark: Why- why not? :Bob: Is there anything else there is to do? :Jack: We don't know what else to do! :Wade: OH NO! NO S***! OH GOD I JUMPED OUT! :laughs :Mark: You're a f***ing idiot. :Wade: HOW DO YOU- HOW DO YOU PARACHUTE?! OHHH! :Jack: A, A, A... :Wade: OH GOD! OH NO! :and Mark laugh :Bob: Alright, hey Wade... :Jack: This jet is mine! :Wade: I'm just gonna steal a car and do it the old fashioned way... :Jack: GET IN FASTER! :and Bob laugh :Bob: No, Jack, you have to punch it first and then it opens. :Wade: Stop, stop, stop, stop... :Jack: I- f- my guy kicked it, but it's all good. It's all good in the hood right now! :Wade: Oh, you got a jet already?! :Bob: Oh my God, OH MY GOD, I JUST GOT TANKED! noise :laughs at Bob :Jack: Get tanked, b****! :Bob: A tank just like drove casually past me and was like, "F*** you!" :Bob: How did that go so wrong? :Jack: Mine went perfect! I'm in a jet right now! :Wade: This car sucks! :Mark: Oh my God, Jack! You almost blew up Bob! :laughs :Bob: Someone's shooting missiles at me! :Jack: IMMA KILL YOU GUYS! :Jack: Hey fellas! :Mark: Oh, he's still mad, he's still mad. :Jack: HEYYY fellas! :makes a noise :Jack: Who's down here? Who's down here? :Wade: Whoa! :Jack: Who am I- :Wade: AGHH STOP IT JACK! :giggles, Mark and Bob laugh :Jack: I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME! :Wade: WHY DO I HAVE A STAR?! YOU SHOT AT ME, YOU ST- ...this is bull... :Jack: Y-y-you what?! Finish it! FINISH IT! :Mark: Yeah, finish it. :Wade: What was I saying? :Jack: "You st-" :Bob: I said "S-OOH GOD!" :Wade: Oh, I thought you said "Soul God." :Bob: This is not working as I had pla- oh, here we go. :Wade: STOP FIRING MISSILES AT ME! :and Bob laugh :Mark: No, Jack, fire more missiles at him! :Jack: I'm TRYING to kill you guys! STAND STILL! :Jack: I don't even know where you guys are. I'm just gonna start f- :Mark: We're in the military base. :Bob: We're in the military base. Don't come over here. :screams :Jack: OH, I GOT HIM! into laughter :laughs :Jack: I just fired blindly! :Mark: Can we steal a tank? Is there a tank to steal? Jack, don't! Jack, no! :Jack: OH GOD!!! OH! :laughs at Jack :Wade: REKT :Jack: I might have learned a lesson! :continues to laugh :Bob: OH S***! WHOA WHOA! What the f***?! I just got run over by a truck! :Jack: Yeah, that truck guy did not give a f***! :Jack: I bet you guys I will get a jet again before you do. :Mark: Shut up. No you won't. :Jack: All bets are on the table, who's gonna take it up? :Mark: I'll take it up. I bet I'll get the jet. :Jack: Are- are you confident enough to take it up? :Mark: Oh GOD yes. :giggles :Bob: Actually, I'm not betting that I will get a jet before you do, I bet one of us will get a jet before you do. :Jack: One of you guys. :Bob: One of us. :Jack: Okay. :Wade: Does anybody need a ride? :screams :Wade: Okay. :Mark: Wade, I need a ride, where are you? :Jack: laughs "Anybody need a ride?" BOOM! :Mark: Now you don't have enough momentum to get up the hill, Wade. :Bob: AWWW, dicks. :Wade: I totally do. :Jack: Wait, I can push you guys. :Jack: Wait, wait, wait, euup... buh! :Wade: NOOOOO! :laughs :Mark: Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. :and Bob laugh :Jack: You were heading up the hill and then you went sideways! :Mark: No, no! Wade, go up the left side! There's a road up the left side, ya dick! :giggles :Wade: Is there? :Mark: Yeah! :Jack: OH S***!!!!!!! AGHHH I DIDN'T MAKE IT! :Mark: laughs Jack's in the middle part! :Jack: Shut uuuuppp... Oh, there's just a- there's a gap right here. :Wade: Oh, we lost tires, that's why I can't drive. :Mark: Just get up the hill! :Jack: coughs I'm good, I'm in. :Mark: The road! :Jack: OH GOD NO! GET IN! GET IN! YOU F***BAG!!! :Bob: Ha ha! :Jack: I WAS GETTING IN THE JET AND HE SHOT ME! :Bob: Nice try, Jack, nice try. :Jack: I ain't even mad. I ain't even mad, bro. :Bob: I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! :Mark: That's a tank! OH GOD that's a tank! :Jack: DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! :Bob: Get in the jet, you f***! Get in the jet! :laughs :Bob: UGHH I'm so close! UHH! Mark, you didn't help at all! :Jack: DIE! DIE! DIE! YAYYYY! :Jack: No Bob. :Bob: Oh get in the jet, get in the jet! No, get up, you dumb f***! :Jack: No Bob! :lets out a surprised yelp :Jack: No Bob! :Bob: Jack, what the f***?! :Jack: NO BOB! :Bob: F*** you, Jack! :Jack: IF I CAN'T, NOBODY CAN! :Bob: YOU'RE SUCH A DICK, JACK! :Mark: AWWWW!!! :Bob: inaudible :laughs :Wade: AAGGGHH, THAT'S A TANK! THAT'S A TANK, THAT'S A TANK, THAT'S A TANK, TANK, TANK! :Bob: Wade, kill Jack! :Jack: Aw balls, I- my jet won't move! Oh no! :Bob: That's what you get for being a s***! :Wade: GET IN FASTER, WADE! ARGH! :Mark: AUUUUGH :Jack: WHAT?! :Mark: What happened?! :sighs :Mark: How did all three of us die separately at once? :Jack: Bob, I'm sorry. :Jack: Mark, is that you? F***! :Mark: No, no, no, no, no, no, f***, no, oh God, oh God. :Jack: OHHH THERE'S A TANK! NOOO, OH THERE'S MORE TANKS! Oh, this is bad! Oh, I don't like it! :Mark: Come on, come on, NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO- OH GOD! :Jack: F***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***. :screams, Bob laughs :Mark: This is hard. :Bob: Okay, yeah. :screams :Jack: AHHH TANKS! :talks in the background :Jack: Oh no! No, I have it! NAHHAW! cries :Bob: Oh s***. Oh s***! :Mark: Wade, don't kill me. :Bob: OH S***! :Jack: You got it Bob? :Bob: I'm in a jet, f*** you guys! :Wade: Ah no! :Bob: F*** you guys! :Mark: How did you get a jet? :Jack: Dammit! :Bob: I'm in a jet, b****es! :Bob: Is that you, Jack? :screams :Mark: OH WHAT THE HELL?! :Jack: laughs Oh, I'm SO glad I didn't go to that AmmuNation! OH! :groans :Jack: Thank you, BOB! :Bob: I'm fine, it's okay, airplane. :Wade: Oh, I was really worried about you, Bob!! :Jack: AGHH THE F***IN' AMMUNATION GUY KILLED ME! :and Wade laugh :Jack: Ohhh, suck on ALL of my testicles! :screams again, Mark shudders, Bob and Jack laugh :Jack: That was right in front of me! Bob, your jet is gonna give out before you get me. :Bob: I know, it's about to explode, I don't think I'm gonna be able to kill you, Jack. :Jack: I am the sneaky assassin... AGGHHH F***IN' AMMUNATION GUY YOU SUCK A BIG DICK! :and Mark laugh :Jack: It's cause I had the rocket launcher out! I didn't mean to! :Jack: Oh Jesus, OH JESUS! BOB NO! :and Bob laugh :Jack: F***in' hell! :Bob: I can't believe I'm still f***ing alive! :Mark: There we go! God dammit, Wade. :Jack: AmmuNation's closed... :Bob: Uhh, Jack, I see you! Where you at, Jack? Come here... :Mark: Bob, if you fire a missile into that crowd of uh, cop cars... :Bob: OH NO! :Mark: I'm gonna come by and- :Jack: YES! :Bob: laughs My- my jet gave out and I crashed, I'm sorry. :Jack: Did the engines cut out? :Bob: Yeah, I couldn't- I couldn't pull up. :Jack: JUMP IN! :Mark: I'm comin'! I'm comin'! out :Jack: Don't jump and die! :Mark: Wooo! Oh s***. Okay. :Jack: You f***ing moron. snickers :Bob: Holy s***! There's like a huge- AHH THERE'S A TANK! Oh God! :horn :screams, Jack loses his s*** :makes worried noises :Mark: Why, Mr. Truck Man, why? :Jack: Oh, that was the best! :Bob: Why are there so many tanks now? :Jack: Oh s*** there's a tank right there. Don't- this car sucks! :Mark: Jack, Jack... :Jack: We are so dead. :"Jack"s from Mark :Jack: We're dead, we're dead! :Mark: SPEED SPEED SPEED SPEED SPEED! :makes worried noises :Mark: Okay, go left, go left, go left.. go straight! Straight, straight, straight! :Jack: We're dead, we're dead, we're dead. We're so dead! We are SO DEAD! :Mark: GO! :Jack: We lost a wheel! :Mark: Weave! WEAVE! :Jack: screams We're good! We're good, we're good, we're good- OH JESUS! :Wade: Bob, do not go the direction they went! :"right"s from Mark :Jack: We got this! loudly OHHHH TANKS! :Mark: LEEEFT! :Jack: OHHHH F***! :Bob: Wow, if I could hear anything other than Jack, I would be able to think about what's happening right now. :and Mark laugh :Bob: Holy s***, man. :Jack: Okay, we got this. :Jack: There's- screams THEY'RE SHOOTIN'! :Mark: Hang on. :Jack: I don't like it! I don't like it! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him dead! :Mark: Okay, I'm gonna try to kill him! :Jack: Thank you! :Mark: If I could get in the car... :Jack: OHHH s***balls! :Mark: No, come on! :Jack: Get in! Get in! Get in! Get in! Get in! GET IN! GET IN! :Jack: I GOT IT! I'M IN! WOOOO! WOOOOOOO!!! :and Bob laugh :Mark: Told you, Jack, told you, Jack! :Jack: I'm hurtin'! laughs Thank you, Mark! :Mark: You're welcome! I love you! :Jack: Love you too! :Mark: I'm gonna die now! :laughs :Jack: HEY, BOB! :Bob: F*** you, Jack! :Jack: giggles Imma kill you, BERB! :Jack: WHOOOOOOAAH NO! noise :sounds :Mark: Ow! :Jack: Oh, that's a chopper. Those are choppers! :Mark: God dammit! :Jack: OOOOOOH :laughs :Jack: OOOOOOOOOOH! NO BOB! :Bob: to laugh What are you doing?! :Jack: My- my engine is dying, I don't have good turnies! :Mark: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! :Bob: I'm trying to take out all these f***ing helicopters so that they stop... :Mark: I'm trying- I'm trying to sneak up on this- :Jack: OH NOOO! NOOOOO! :laughs :Bob: Did I make you crash? OH NO! :Wade: Well, there goes Jack. :Bob: No! :Jack: Did you die, Bob? :Bob: No, Jack, no! Why, why, Jack? :Jack: There's actually a tank outside the fence? :Mark: Yeah. Whatever you- :screams, Mark laughs stunned :Jack: Did he kill you? Did the tank kill you? :Mark: He just ran over him! :Jack: Nice. Oh Jesus. :Wade: And I blew up! :Wade: I'M IN THE TANK! :Jack: Kill Wade! :Mark: You f- OH YOU F***ER!!! :Bob: WHY, WADE?! WHY?! :Wade: Oh, sorry. :Mark: ...WHY?!! :snickers :Wade: Jack! :Jack: screams DUDE! :laughs :Jack: I was right here! That's it, Wa- OWWW F***! :Bob: Wade, Wade, I'm right behind you! :"Wade"s from Bob and Mark :Jack: Wade doesn't even know how to use the tank. That's not- then lets out a worried noise :explosion :Jack: Okay, he does! :Jack and Mark laugh :alarm :Jack: Wade's gonna die! :explosion :Jack: WHOOOAH what the f***?! :Bob: laughter What was that explosion? :explosion :Jack: A load of car- WHOOOAH!! :explosion :Bob: Whoa, wow... :Jack: Bob, I'm scared! :Mark: Wade is the biggest dick ever. :Wade: MY TAAAAAAAANK! :Mark: YOUR TANK?! IT WAS MY TANK!!! :laughs :Mark: F*** YOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! :and Jack laugh :Mark: Woo ooo! :Wade: I thought you were getting in the cargobob. :Mark: Wade, Wade, no, Wade, no, Wade, no, Wade, no, Wade. :laughs :Mark: No, no, no, no, no. Wade, f*** you. F*** you. Wade, f*** you. continues :Bob: Hey Jack. :Wade: Ah! :Jack: Get in! :Bob: I defy you to take off. :Jack (with a deep voice): I want you to do it. I wa- I want you to do it. I want you to do it. :Bob: Oh my God. Oh my God, Mark, why? Why, Mark, why? :"sorry"s from Mark :laughs :Jack: Mark doesn't know what he's doing! :and Jack laugh :Mark: S**********... okay, got it, got it, got it. :continues to laugh :Jack: Mark's an expert flyer! :Mark and Jack laugh :Mark: I'll be on Bob's team. I'll be on Bob's team. :Jack: Okay. :Wade: But wait, we're in the same helicopter! :and Bob laugh :Jack: Live and die together, Wade! We got this. Don't even f***ing worry about it. :Wade: inaudible :Jack: DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT! :quietly laughs :Jack: That sounds like worrying. I don't like it. I will not have worrying in my helicopter. :Jack: Okay, we're hovering above the suspension bridge. Come find us. :Bob: I'm gonna use Mark as cover and then I'm gonna snipe you out of the sky, just you watch. :Jack: Oh, nooo! :Mark: Imma do a dust-by so that you can- :clang :Mark: AW F***! :loses their s*** :Jack: "Imma do a dust-by!" BAAANG! :continues to laugh :Mark: It's bigger than I thought it was, it's a bit- a bit bulkier. :Jack: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! :Jack: How- how high? :Bob: Let's do this! Go go go go go! :Jack: I have to get to the same level! Oh God... :Mark: GOOOOO F*** YOU! :Jack: THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK! FOR IRELAND! :Bob: You're gonna die, f***holes! :Jack: Oh s***, oh s***, OH SH- :laughs :Mark: I WIN! I WIIIN! WOOO! :Jack: That was AWESOME! Again, again! :Jack: I don't like you guys anymore! Oh, you're in! OH NO! :Mark: OH S***! OH S***! :Jack: LEMME IN! LEMME IN! :explosion :screams :Jack: OHHHH LET ME OUT! :laughs :Bob: Why did I not die?! :Jack: AHH I'M ON FIRE! yells :groans :Bob: Alright, everyone shoot at Mark! :Wade: It won't let me on? OH! OH GOD! OH NO! :and Jack laugh :Mark: Run, Wade, run! Run, Wade, run! :Jack: That's not gonna work! :continues to laugh :Mark: Oh, you better run, Wade! Woooo! :Jack: laughs Mark with his arms on the air! :keeps laughing :Bob: Holy s***. :makes a worried noise :Jack: That was the best. Let's- let's get him. :Mark: I think you might have gotten away! Oh, I think you might have gotten away, Wade! Oh, I think you're fine! :Jack: Wade's still running around? :Mark: Oh, you're fine Wade! :screams :Jack: OH OH OH OH that's nasty! :Jack: Imma meet you guys at the top! You guys gonna die! :Mark: WOOOO! :Jack: TWO KIDS GONNA DIE TONIGHT! :Mark: WOOOO! :Jack: Hey, dudes! How you guys doing? Oh God, I'm gonna die! F***! :Wade: Bye, Jack! :Bob: Oh, Jack! :Mark: laughs Ja-ack! :Jack: The cops are shooting me! :Mark: Shoot us! :in the background :Mark: Shoot me! HIT ME! HIT ME! :Wade: Nice shooting, Jack! :Jack: AW F***! :Mark: HIT ME!! :Jack: F***!! :laughs :Mark: Aw, too bad. :makes a weird noise :Bob: Holy s***, the police are murdering me! :Jack: That's what they do! :Wade: Oh my God! :Bob: I like- I like, nudged the police boat, and they were all like "KILL HIM! KILL HIM NOW!" :Jack: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND! DOWN ON THE GROUND! :laughs :Bob: Git to dah choppah! :Jack laughs Nailed it, Bob. F***ing nailed it. :Jack: DUDE! I think I have a cooler jet! I think I bought a cool jet! :Mark: Did you? What? :Jack: Last time. :Bob: How did you buy a jet? :Jack: There's a jet that has like no weapons on it, but it's super fast. :Jack: Yeahhh! Jet, jet, jet, jet! :Wade: Oh God, I didn't want to go to selfie mode. :Jack: I can show you guys what it looks like! :Wade: How're you? :Mark: Alright, I'm out, I'm out. I'm good, Wade, hey. :Bob: Oh my God, hey Jack, hey. :Jack: Hey! :Bob and Mark: Whoa! :Jack: See, it's super nimble! :Jack: Wee! It has- :talking from Mark, Bob and Wade :Jack: It has no weapons, though, so I can't attack you guys. So that's boring. :noises :Jack: All I hear is "DADADADADADA" :Mark and Jack laugh :Mark: Is this how you have sex? :noises from Mark, Bob and Wade :Bob: I already got a helicopter- :Jack: WOOOO! :and Bob laugh :Mark: inaudible :Bob: I didn't even die! :Jack: What was that?! :Bob: I took no damage from that! How the f***?! :Jack: Did you just smash into him?! :Jack: WOOOO!!! :laughs :Wade: Jack took us ALL out?! :Jack: That's how I hug! laughs :Jack: Are you- are you trying to get to my jet? :Bob: No, definitely not! Why would I do that? :gunshots :Bob: That would be really rude! :Jack: F*** you. :yells :Jack: OH I FELL OFF THE BUILDING! Oww! :laughs, Wade makes a noise :Jack: ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO STEAL MY F***ING JET?! NO! :Mark: screams WHY?! I didn't do anything! :Jack: You sons of b****es, NOBODY'S TAKING MY JET, IT'S MINE! :and Mark laugh :Jack: AH F***! :Mark: I wasn't doing anything! I was doing nothin'. :Jack: I fell off the building and died. Okay, whoever gets to it first wins. :Mark: Bob's just smarter than all of us. :Jack: Yeah, that's true. AGH! :laughs :gunshots :Jack: F*** YOU, BOB!!! :and Mark laugh :Bob: THAT is for taking my jet from me earlier, you f***ing dick! :Jack: Okay yeah, fair enough. :Mark: inaudible :Wade: Whoa! :and Mark laugh :Jack: Does that mean Mark gets the jet? No, all I see is f***ing helicopter rotors on the map. :Mark: Oh, God dammit, I don't have a gun to kill Wade! :laughs :Jack: Oh hey, Bob! laughs :Jack: Okay, done. BOB, F- OHHH! OHHHH!!! OHHHH!!! OH I HATE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! :laughs :Mark: Need a ride, anyone? :Mark: I don't know where you- oh, does it spawn in the same place? :gunshots :Bob: Whoooah! Dick! :Jack: Yep! :Mark: Oh, I was there when you guys were trying to be all douchey! :Wade: OHH GOD! :music begins to play :Mark: Why did I move? :Jack: F*** you guys. :and Jack laugh :Mark: I didn't- I didn't do anything. I want to be very clear, I didn't do anything. :Jack: coughs I got a Head Banger award! :Jack: And so it was, Jack flew away, and everyone else sucked. :music plays :[audio from We Make A Great Team] :music stops :loses their s*** Category:Transcripts Category:Grand Theft Auto Online